Fairytales and why you’re doing it wrong.

Fairytales and why you’re doing it wrong.

Helurrr beautiful souls 🙂

I would like to thank each and every one of you for all of the support and love that you’ve shown on my posts. My last one in particular has reached more views than I expected and the feedback that I’ve been receiving has been phenomenal (You can read it here if you missed it).

Today, we’re going back to basics. I will be keeping it real as always, and in return, I would like to ask you to have an open mind and consider different possibilities. Think back to the first fairytale you’ve heard/read/seen, it could have been one of the famous ones : Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Rapunzel, Snow White & the seven dwarves, etc. Do you have one in mind? Great! These stories were about bringing people together, getting rid of the bad things, falling inlove with a prince and just living happily ever after, right? Lets move over to the movie industry, think of your favorite love story : Titanic, The Notebook, 50 first dates, Crazy, Stupid, Love, etc. In a little over an hour and a half, you watch a girl turn into a woman, land her dream job, become completely independent and meet the man of her dreams who is actually perfect. This perfect man probably starts off as a real ‘ladies man’ and enjoys casual relationships whilst never really feeling anything for anyone – until he meets this girl, whom he falls head over heels for and leaves his partying nights (and days) behind. In 92 minutes?! Are you kidding me???

Here lies the problem people. It’s not the unrealistic expectation that you are going to bump into Ryan Gosling at a bar and he’s going to put the ‘Dirty Dancing’ move on you. It’s not even the fact that Cinderella doesn’t have to use tarte shape tape. Its the time frame and succession of events that lead us to believe that it’s just not possible in the real world.

 

What if I told you that could be possible, you just need to adjust your mindset and accept a slightly longer time frame? That dream job is definitely possible girl, it’s probably going to take a crap load of time to get there, but you will get there. Independence is more than a state of mind or having a lot of money, it’s knowing what to do with what you have and how to take care of yourself. The day that you start limiting yourself on what you can or cannot do is the day that you don’t believe in your true potential – and trust me girl, you have potential for greatness.

So start building yourself, study further, take up a new hobby, get in shape! Find out who YOU are and what YOU want from life. Surround yourself with people and things that inspire you, empower you and drive you to be the best version of YOU. Speaking of driving – get your driver’s license and work on getting your own set of wheels. This is such a liberating experience and sometimes a short drive to the gas station is all you need. I have the best conversations with myself when I’m sitting in traffic, with some Jess Glynne in the background and maybe some coffee. If you can’t talk to yourself, aint nobody else gonna do it girl!

As for Ryan Gosling, stop looking for him so hard that you lose yourself. He’s probably out there, waiting for the day that he gets to sweep you off your feet. Maybe he’s not. Does that make you any less of a woman? Heck no! Live your life girl, be thankful for all that you have and remain hungry for all that you desire. Make it happen, Cinderella didn’t meet her prince without sacrifice – she lost her shoe! Have you ever tried walking with just one shoe on? That is rough.

Having an identity is so precious. Get to know yourself, figure out that girl in the mirror and let her know that she is beautiful every single day. And the most important thing is to give yourself time – if you can’t do your hair and makeup in 92 minutes, how do you expect your whole life to happen in that time? Breathe, smile and do it!

Until next time xx

Pregnant at 17 – what it was like having a kid as a kid.

Pregnant at 17 – what it was like having a kid as a kid.

Helurrr all you beautiful souls! It’s me again, and this time I am going really deep by sharing a very personal experience with you (which is not something I do often – or ever, so please go easy on me).

If you have read my “New blog – who this” post (if you didn’t, don’t despair! Click here quick!) and you are a great mathematician, you would have calculated that I had my daughter when I was 17. I am pretty sure that a lot of people have their reservations about that and have already drawn some sort of conclusion about what kind of person I am/was. I am okay with that. I am mature enough to accept the fact that everyone is entitled to his/her own opinion, whether or not they have right to judge, it’s life. I have to start off by saying that I am in no way advocating premarital sex, nor am I condemning it. I am simply sharing my story with you, whether you need to hear it or not is up to you. I am also not discussing the father so please don’t ask me any questions surrounding that aspect. This is MY journey – my best one yet.

The year was 2008, I was in 16 and in Grade 11 – also I just missed a period. I knew exactly what that meant and I was absolutely terrified. It doesn’t matter what type of religious background or the kind of household you have, no parent is happy to find out that their 16 year old daughter is ‘with child’. I spent the first 3 months trying to find out as much as possible about being my age and being pregnant – the results were shocking to say the least. Pregnancy at any age is a risk – you may be unable to carry to full term, there may be complications/deformities, stillbirth or you could actually die from giving birth. The younger or older you are determines how ‘capable’ you are to give birth to a healthy baby and live to tell the tale. I hadn’t told anyone about it until I was 5 months pregnant – I was really skinny so I only really started to show around that time and I couldn’t hide it any more. My mother found out the day after my 17th birthday.

As expected, my family was devastated and heartbroken. I had my first ultrasound with my father in the waiting room and the gynecologist told us that my baby was a healthy girl. As much as he was hurting, he told me that he was so relieved that she was healthy. My parents (although divorced at the time) were an amazing support structure – sometimes I felt I didn’t even deserve that. As the months went by, and since I decided to continue with school (matric, yes), I was greeted with constant stares in the hall, mumbles and a lot of snickering. It was hard. It was so hard. As a 17 year old girl, I was still figuring myself out and had no idea how to raise a child when I was still one. Pair that with morning sickness and gherkin cravings – hot mess. I found myself crying for no reason while watching an episode of Spongebob. I was so afraid of what could go wrong and how I might not be able to give my baby the best life that she deserved. I can’t even begin to explain the dark thoughts that enter your mind when you allow that darkness in. It was really hard for my mother because she would constantly have to explain to family and friends and I could see how much it hurt her each time. This didn’t stop her from giving me the best advice and support that I needed – even when I didn’t know that I needed it. From my baby’s first kick to the nights where I couldn’t sleep because she just wouldn’t stop jumping around in my tummy – my mother was there. My father would accompany me to all of my check ups and tell me how having a daughter was his biggest blessing. Fast forward a few months, after a solid 3 hours of labour (It is definitely all it’s cracked up to be – and then some!), I gave birth to a beautifully healthy little girl. The moment I saw her little face, tiny fingers and toes, I knew that I would be whatever she needed me to be. This was my life now. She was my life.

 

Pregnancy and childbirth are not to be taken lightly. Whilst I believe that having my daughter was definitely one of my biggest blessings, it was rough. I don’t know where I would be today if I didn’t have that support and love from my family. 8 years later and I still don’t have it figured out but I can tell you that I am exactly where I am supposed to be today. As a parent or a prospective parent, you can’t simply ‘learn-on-the-job’ or ‘wing it’. You are responsible for a whole new life and you owe it to him/her to do your best. Research where you can and understand your child during their fundamental years and throughout their lives.

Did I grow up quicker than I should have? Yes. Have I acknowledged and taken responsibility for my actions? Most definitely. Do I blame anyone? No. Would I go back and change anything? Never in a million years. Each of us have our own journey that we are on called life, there are multiple paths which encompass different outcomes, but I am a firm believer that if you follow your chosen path through, you will be exactly where you are meant to be. It is never going to be easy, but boy is it worth it!

 

Thank you for reading, it truly means so much to me.

xx

The societal challenge – do you fit the mould? Should you?

The societal challenge – do you fit the mould? Should you?

Helurrr everyone! Welcome to my very first blog post! I am really excited to finally share this with you as I’ve been working on it forever… (It sure does feel that way to me). This is obviously a very controversial topic and I believe it is applicable to all culture and race groups. However, due to my Indian heritage, I will be speaking from personal experience for the most part. Be that as it may, I am pretty sure that you will be able to identify with most of what I have to say because we’re all human at the end of it all. So grab a nice cup of your favourite blend and enjoy!

 

First things first, let’s address my actual composition (one part cupcake and 2 parts sarcasm lol) – my first name is Muslim and my last is Hindu (Tamil to be specific). I almost always get weird looks when I introduce myself and have developed a very generic response: “My mother is Muslim and my father is Tamil.” For some, that is enough and is usually followed by a slight chuckle at the thought (I assume some Romeo & Juliet scene about forbidden love probably). BUT there is the odd person who feels like they deserve more because it’s not fair to make such a bold statement and not explain what happens next. To that I explain that my dad converted (changed his religion) in order to marry my mum the Muslim way (they made nikkah) and we followed Islam. Now that we have that little backstory out of the way, let’s carry on.

 

For those of you wondering what on earth the title is about – trust me, there is a mould that society measures everyone against. And whilst this mould pertains to both male and female, I feel like females have it worse because we’re always made aware of how far off we are from the ‘perfect woman/girlfriend/daughter/mother, etc.’ In the Indian culture specifically, a lot of emphasis is put on the colour of your skin, the texture of your hair, straightness of your teeth and your body shape. If you were light skinned with long straight hair, had a smile like you worked for Aquafresh and were slim with a big bust and somewhat round booty – you were just perfect.

*Disclaimer: I have absolutely nothing against anyone who has the features I mentioned above and I am in no way stating that your physical appearance has any bearing on what kind of a person you are. You rock girl! Go on with your bad self!

 

At school:

Enter me, an extremely skinny, medium toned teenager with frizzy hair for days and teeth that were all over the place. Firstly, being a teenage girl is hard enough when you’re trying to figure out what’s happening to your body (or not happening), reacting to boys, keeping up relations with your mother… it’s a little much tbh. AND THEN you are made fun of because of your hair and your flat chest (which kind of deflects from your other undesirable physical traits so you run with it). Pretty soon you’re stuffing your bra, begging your mother to pay for expensive hair treatments and wearing shorts underneath your jeans. The. Struggle. Is. Real. Eventually, going out with your friends becomes torture because it doesn’t matter how many hours it takes you to get ready, you’re never going to look like the chick who is filling up DD’s.

 

With your family:

There is always that one aunty whose first line when she sees you is: “So dark you gone”, or “Your mother doesn’t feed you?” This is usually followed by her showcasing her own daughter who is your age but resembles Wonder Woman. (Side note: the movie was absolutely epic and you should totally watch it if you haven’t already!) Every single family function or get together ends up the same and you start to slowly resent them. Not for what they are but for how you feel when you realise that you are a 14 year old girl who is trapped in a 10 year old boy’s body and you shouldn’t look like that. Funny how we place so much emphasis on what is going on outside rather than focusing on building what is inside.

 

Growing up and into motherhood:

I’m not sure whether this happens everywhere but I feel like people expect that a mother should either look like a hot mess or like Victoria Beckham. BUT, very strong opinions are tied to both scenarios. If you look like a hot mess then you are doing a great job with your kids, taking care of your husband and you probably clean your house 3 times a day – you just ‘let yourself go’. Ooooh jirre! I can just die when I hear that phrase. So what if you don’t want to look like you just came off the runway, you do you, boo. Then there’s the supermodel mother whose hair is always on point and always looks like she wakes up with a perfect contour. “You must not give your kids a bath and there’s no way you’re cooking for your husband every day – you probably don’t even make your bed’. Ooooh shem! In what world! Good for you doll! Without taking anything away from the woman who does not wear designer heels, I applaud the woman who is able to colour coordinate and have her eyebrows done perfectly every day. To whoever is reading this, if you walk around with your comfy pair of Nikes (that’s me btw), prefer a long sweater and cool leggings or if you cannot leave the house without looking like you stole Victoria’s Secret – YOU FREAKING ROCK GIRL!

 

People need to stop putting so much pressure on girls and women and expecting them to look a certain way. We need to guide and nurture the already beautiful soul that is within and let her flourish. Let her be so confident in herself that she does not need any approval from anyone. You will find that once you allow a girl to grow the way God intended, she will be nothing short of majestic. So mothers, sisters, aunties, whoever you are, you first need to realise that you are damn beautiful! Once you believe that, start imparting that onto every girl you are lucky enough to meet. We need to build each other by building ourselves. It doesn’t matter what shape, size or shade you are, you are created perfectly and you ought to be proud of yourself.

 

I read this quote somewhere (I honestly can’t remember where), but I found it so powerful and true:

 

“The presence of one woman’s beauty is not the absence of yours.”

http://www.theyallhateus.com/

Thank you so much for reading

 

xx