Fairytales and why you’re doing it wrong.

Fairytales and why you’re doing it wrong.

Helurrr beautiful souls 🙂

I would like to thank each and every one of you for all of the support and love that you’ve shown on my posts. My last one in particular has reached more views than I expected and the feedback that I’ve been receiving has been phenomenal (You can read it here if you missed it).

Today, we’re going back to basics. I will be keeping it real as always, and in return, I would like to ask you to have an open mind and consider different possibilities. Think back to the first fairytale you’ve heard/read/seen, it could have been one of the famous ones : Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Rapunzel, Snow White & the seven dwarves, etc. Do you have one in mind? Great! These stories were about bringing people together, getting rid of the bad things, falling inlove with a prince and just living happily ever after, right? Lets move over to the movie industry, think of your favorite love story : Titanic, The Notebook, 50 first dates, Crazy, Stupid, Love, etc. In a little over an hour and a half, you watch a girl turn into a woman, land her dream job, become completely independent and meet the man of her dreams who is actually perfect. This perfect man probably starts off as a real ‘ladies man’ and enjoys casual relationships whilst never really feeling anything for anyone – until he meets this girl, whom he falls head over heels for and leaves his partying nights (and days) behind. In 92 minutes?! Are you kidding me???

Here lies the problem people. It’s not the unrealistic expectation that you are going to bump into Ryan Gosling at a bar and he’s going to put the ‘Dirty Dancing’ move on you. It’s not even the fact that Cinderella doesn’t have to use tarte shape tape. Its the time frame and succession of events that lead us to believe that it’s just not possible in the real world.

 

What if I told you that could be possible, you just need to adjust your mindset and accept a slightly longer time frame? That dream job is definitely possible girl, it’s probably going to take a crap load of time to get there, but you will get there. Independence is more than a state of mind or having a lot of money, it’s knowing what to do with what you have and how to take care of yourself. The day that you start limiting yourself on what you can or cannot do is the day that you don’t believe in your true potential – and trust me girl, you have potential for greatness.

So start building yourself, study further, take up a new hobby, get in shape! Find out who YOU are and what YOU want from life. Surround yourself with people and things that inspire you, empower you and drive you to be the best version of YOU. Speaking of driving – get your driver’s license and work on getting your own set of wheels. This is such a liberating experience and sometimes a short drive to the gas station is all you need. I have the best conversations with myself when I’m sitting in traffic, with some Jess Glynne in the background and maybe some coffee. If you can’t talk to yourself, aint nobody else gonna do it girl!

As for Ryan Gosling, stop looking for him so hard that you lose yourself. He’s probably out there, waiting for the day that he gets to sweep you off your feet. Maybe he’s not. Does that make you any less of a woman? Heck no! Live your life girl, be thankful for all that you have and remain hungry for all that you desire. Make it happen, Cinderella didn’t meet her prince without sacrifice – she lost her shoe! Have you ever tried walking with just one shoe on? That is rough.

Having an identity is so precious. Get to know yourself, figure out that girl in the mirror and let her know that she is beautiful every single day. And the most important thing is to give yourself time – if you can’t do your hair and makeup in 92 minutes, how do you expect your whole life to happen in that time? Breathe, smile and do it!

Until next time xx

Pregnant at 17 – what it was like having a kid as a kid.

Pregnant at 17 – what it was like having a kid as a kid.

Helurrr all you beautiful souls! It’s me again, and this time I am going really deep by sharing a very personal experience with you (which is not something I do often – or ever, so please go easy on me).

If you have read my “New blog – who this” post (if you didn’t, don’t despair! Click here quick!) and you are a great mathematician, you would have calculated that I had my daughter when I was 17. I am pretty sure that a lot of people have their reservations about that and have already drawn some sort of conclusion about what kind of person I am/was. I am okay with that. I am mature enough to accept the fact that everyone is entitled to his/her own opinion, whether or not they have right to judge, it’s life. I have to start off by saying that I am in no way advocating premarital sex, nor am I condemning it. I am simply sharing my story with you, whether you need to hear it or not is up to you. I am also not discussing the father so please don’t ask me any questions surrounding that aspect. This is MY journey – my best one yet.

The year was 2008, I was in 16 and in Grade 11 – also I just missed a period. I knew exactly what that meant and I was absolutely terrified. It doesn’t matter what type of religious background or the kind of household you have, no parent is happy to find out that their 16 year old daughter is ‘with child’. I spent the first 3 months trying to find out as much as possible about being my age and being pregnant – the results were shocking to say the least. Pregnancy at any age is a risk – you may be unable to carry to full term, there may be complications/deformities, stillbirth or you could actually die from giving birth. The younger or older you are determines how ‘capable’ you are to give birth to a healthy baby and live to tell the tale. I hadn’t told anyone about it until I was 5 months pregnant – I was really skinny so I only really started to show around that time and I couldn’t hide it any more. My mother found out the day after my 17th birthday.

As expected, my family was devastated and heartbroken. I had my first ultrasound with my father in the waiting room and the gynecologist told us that my baby was a healthy girl. As much as he was hurting, he told me that he was so relieved that she was healthy. My parents (although divorced at the time) were an amazing support structure – sometimes I felt I didn’t even deserve that. As the months went by, and since I decided to continue with school (matric, yes), I was greeted with constant stares in the hall, mumbles and a lot of snickering. It was hard. It was so hard. As a 17 year old girl, I was still figuring myself out and had no idea how to raise a child when I was still one. Pair that with morning sickness and gherkin cravings – hot mess. I found myself crying for no reason while watching an episode of Spongebob. I was so afraid of what could go wrong and how I might not be able to give my baby the best life that she deserved. I can’t even begin to explain the dark thoughts that enter your mind when you allow that darkness in. It was really hard for my mother because she would constantly have to explain to family and friends and I could see how much it hurt her each time. This didn’t stop her from giving me the best advice and support that I needed – even when I didn’t know that I needed it. From my baby’s first kick to the nights where I couldn’t sleep because she just wouldn’t stop jumping around in my tummy – my mother was there. My father would accompany me to all of my check ups and tell me how having a daughter was his biggest blessing. Fast forward a few months, after a solid 3 hours of labour (It is definitely all it’s cracked up to be – and then some!), I gave birth to a beautifully healthy little girl. The moment I saw her little face, tiny fingers and toes, I knew that I would be whatever she needed me to be. This was my life now. She was my life.

 

Pregnancy and childbirth are not to be taken lightly. Whilst I believe that having my daughter was definitely one of my biggest blessings, it was rough. I don’t know where I would be today if I didn’t have that support and love from my family. 8 years later and I still don’t have it figured out but I can tell you that I am exactly where I am supposed to be today. As a parent or a prospective parent, you can’t simply ‘learn-on-the-job’ or ‘wing it’. You are responsible for a whole new life and you owe it to him/her to do your best. Research where you can and understand your child during their fundamental years and throughout their lives.

Did I grow up quicker than I should have? Yes. Have I acknowledged and taken responsibility for my actions? Most definitely. Do I blame anyone? No. Would I go back and change anything? Never in a million years. Each of us have our own journey that we are on called life, there are multiple paths which encompass different outcomes, but I am a firm believer that if you follow your chosen path through, you will be exactly where you are meant to be. It is never going to be easy, but boy is it worth it!

 

Thank you for reading, it truly means so much to me.

xx